The case for not learning something you love

I don’t know how to paint and I like it like that. 

I don’t want to learn.

Don’t get me wrong: I love doing it, it is one of my favorite activities. I can spend hours doing it, completely absorbed in the shapes and colors, in a state of flow. It brings me joy, it brings me peace.

And yet, I make an extra effort to avoid tutorials and I don’t talk about it (just in case someone gets the idea to give me unsolicited advice or technical tips 😆).

In a world where specialisation, mastery, and ultra-performance are almost worshipped, painting is the space where I don’t want to excel. 

And, to go further, painting is the space where I have chosen to… learn to fail. Or rather, to be ok with failure and frustration. 

I learn, in this beautiful place (where the odds are low and the joy is high), to sit comfortably with unpleasant emotions. Example: I imagine a graceful tree, I can almost see the breeze softly lifting the branches and the leaves gently swirling, and my painting comes out… as an undefined blob 😅 

I feel frustrated, disappointed - and quickly, slightly amused.

Because I don’t always control the outcome, and it’s ok. I am lucky to sit with the frustration in that moment. And maybe next time I will try things a bit differently. I will put a bit less water, or paint the colors in a different order. Or not! Maybe I will never try this again. Because it is also a space where there are no rules and no expectations, a completely new world to explore. Complete freedom.

And I am always curious: what will show up today? It feeds my curiosity and my creativity. There is no right way to do things in that world, so I experiment: what comes out if I use a fern or a feather instead of the brushes? What about a tiny rock? I feel like a child again, completely present and open, trying the same thing 50 times, 100 times even. 

It teaches me patience with myself, I may not achieve a specific vision the first time, maybe not ever. 

And I still feel wonderful and happy.

Yes, painting is my favorite activity.

And I don’t want to learn.